The Barones. The Corleones. Two Italian-American families well known in Western culture. Both have some of the same attributes, as is often characteristic (if not stereotypical) of certain people groups. Loud, over-bearing mothers. Fathers who oscillate between aloof and intense. Siblings that engage in rivalry for parents' affections and approval. Food and time at the dinner table as a centerpiece of family life. The potential for tempers to flair at any moment. These and other Italian-American tropes (whether deserved or not) play into the life of these two families, one depicted with great humor by Ray Romano and company in the sitcom Everybody Loves Raymond, and the other immortalized by novelist Mario Puzo and filmmaker Francis Ford Coppola in The Godfather.
While these two families share much in common from their roots, they couldn't be more different in the way they handle relationships within the family. In particular, the relationships between two sets of brother showcase the contrast in approach to authentic, caring relationships. For the Barones, this is expressed in the constant back-and-forth between Raymond and his older brother Robert. The screenwriters make it abundantly clear that Raymond is the favored son of his mother Marie, and even though Robert has served as a New York City police officer for many years, his achievements in the community do little to remove the favoritism his younger brother receives. Ray's solid and fruitful marriage to his wife Debra, along with Robert's troubles in love and need to live with his parents, further solidifies Raymond's place in the pecking order. These seeming disparities are played for great comedy as Ray and Robbie get into consistent, constant competition over just about anything, sometimes to a baffling degree. Nevertheless, in spite of all the one-upmanship, the resolution of each of these brotherly jousts makes it obvious that the brothers have a deep, abiding love and affection for one another after the dust clears. It never stops them from "getting into it" again, but they know there is genuine care on the other side of it.
Not so with the Corleones; the tone couldn't be a starker contrast. While the chosen professions of the Barone brothers are solid and upstanding (Raymond is a sports writer and Robert is a police officer), Michael and Fredo Corleone make their living as mobsters, criminals of the highest degree, hidden behind thinly-clad veils of valid business. They take after their father, whose life and career has been both marred and supported by murder and violence, and the boys take after him, seeking his approval and a share of his power. Fredo, the older yet weaker brother, yearns to get the respect that both his older brother Sonny and his younger brother Michael receive. when Michael becomes the new head of the family, the snub cuts deep. Fredo's resentment makes him more likely to put loyalty to the family on the back-burner... a fatal mistake. He makes a series of horrible decisions, even by mafia standards, that unmasks his betrayal. When Michael realizes that Fredo has sold him and the family out to a rival, he reaches his breaking point. "I know it was you, Fredo. You broke my heart. You broke my heart!" It doesn't take long for Fredo's demise to follow.
On the outside, the Corleones present themselves as smooth, tough, and together, but underneath all the bravado is a culture that has little room for weakness and severely punishes failure. The relationship between Michael and Fredo is cold and calculated, lacking all the warm that characterizes the Barone brothers'. Moreover, it has the subtle but distinct tension of a pair of unevenly-matched boxers sparring, waiting for the stronger of the two to land a devastating, bout-ending blow to his weaker opponent. There is no grace, no allowance for mistakes, no middle ground. There is only power or loyalty to power. Fredo is weak, and doesn't belong.
Now, I'm not an expert on either of these nuanced family stories, but my point is this: our life as God's family should be much more like the Barone's than like the Corleone's. I always say that family is messy, and sin does a fine job of creating spectacular messes. However, I would rather have a place in a family that acknowledges the messiness and turns to the One who can clean it up, now AND permanently, than live a cold, lifeless existence in a family that accepts only strength or cancelation.
As we continue our conversations about cancel culture this month, I pray that we continue to stand firmly with God and His truth rather than allowing the culture and its narrative dissuade us from standing with God. In contrast, let's follow what God tells us through Paul in Ephesians 4: "Let all bitterness, anger and wrath, shouting and slander be removed from you, along with all malice. And be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another, just as God also forgave you in Christ" (vs. 31-32). God cancels our sins, refusing to stop pursuing us, refusing to cancel us from His family. This is why Jesus came. This is why Jesus died. This is why Jesus lives! We are beloved, not canceled!
Many people in our world feel like they HAVE been canceled, and they need us to embody and express that the radical inclusion of Jesus is for them, too. So let's live to show our neighbors and all the world that they can belong to the best family ever! Guided by the Spirit, let's embrace the opportunities to lean into such life-giving interactions and conversations, because...
Adventure is out there!
Pastor Aaron